Good Night, and Good Luck

Clooney’s a film genius!  Give him an award!

So you know what must be the most frustrating thing for a maker of film?  Having someone else making a movie about the exact same thing you’re making a movie about.  That’s like ordering a Whopper and then it turns out the guy at the counter next to you also ordered a Whopper and there’s a beef shortage because the cows are mad at stuff and so there’s only one Whopper left in the world.  I ordered that Whopper first, I don’t care what the cops said – and besides, that guy shouldn’t have said those things about me.  See what I mean?  Super frustrating!  I’ll bet they wouldn’t have given Clooney community service!  I’ll bet the other guy would have just asked Clooney to sign his Whopper!  With ketchup!  And, then he would have given the Whopper to Clooney!  Because Clooney deserves it – he looked so stressed on Chicago Hope, I’ll bet all he needed was a Whopper to calm his nerves.  It works for me!  After that day in front of the judge about the whole Whopper thing, the only thing that would calm my nerves was a Whopper!  Somebody call Alanis!  I’ve got a sequel for her! 

So, when the makers of Capote found out there was another movie being made about Capote (called “The Truman Show”) they hurried up and made their movie faster.  Sure they cut some corners (like they didn’t tie the lights on tight enough so once a light came crashing from the sky; and they didn’t even bother with the part of Capote’s life where he meets Christof.)  But, the whole point was to get it to the hungry public before the other guys.  Sometimes quality doesn’t matter when it’s better to be first.  I mean who even needs to go see the Truman Show now that we’ve all seen Capote?  Smooth move, guys.  Well played.

There are a whole bunch of other examples of competing movies, like Tombstone and Wyatt Earp; and Kill Bill Vol 1 and Kill Bill Vol 2; and Thirteen Days and JFK; Flags of our Fathers and Letters from Iwo Jima; Sudden Impact and Armageddon; Dangerous Liaisons and Valmont; Dante’s Peak and Volcano.  Rob Lowe’s Home Video and Paris Hilton’s Home Video.  Stuart Little and Mouse Hunt. 

Well, here’s why Clooney should have gotten the Oscar.  He was getting ready to make the movie Good Night when he found out that there was another company out there planning to make a sequel called Good Luck.  Can you believe that nerve!  His movie wasn’t even out yet – heck, they hadn’t even started to pick out all those grey curtains and clothing! – and here’s this other group planning to do the sequel!  What if Clooney had delays with his movie?  I mean, getting all that grey makeup on and off every day takes FOREVER!  And, one guy once told Clooney maybe he should just leave it on all the time and Clooney punched him because Clooney knows the ladies won’t like a man in grey makeup – it’ll look just like Clooney’s ghost!  “Hey, Brenda, who did you have a hot Hollywood date with last night?”  “Clooney’s ghost.”  See how that sounds?  Ridiculous!

So every day they have to take that makeup off.  And that means delays.  What if the guys making Good Luck don’t care about their hot Hollywood dates each night?  What if they left their grey makeup on all the time?  That would mean they’d get their movie done sooner.  And, then what would happen to the hungry public?  We’d see the sequel before the original movie!  Monkey time!  This isn’t Columbo!  This is Hollywood and Clooney isn’t going to stand for it!  And, that’s why he went and stole the script from the Good Luck movie and made both movies at the same time.  To protect the hungry public.  Thank you Clooney!